| The Beauty of Self Control |
Chapter 8 |
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There is more of the picture. There are few more hateful things in the world than envy, and in no other place is envy so hateful as when it appears in the home. Love drives out envy. “Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.” Love is humble, lowly, does not strut, does not assert itself, and does not assume superiority. There are homes in which there is too much pompous vaunting, where one lords it over others. But it is most unbeautiful, most utterly unloving. “Doth not behave itself unseemly.” Anything that is rude, ungentle, unrefined, discourteous, is unseemly, unfit. So love takes note of coarseness in behaviour, of bad manners. “I am not required to mind everybody’s tender points,” one may say. “I cannot be ruled by other people’s sensitiveness.” Yet one who loves as Jesus loved is considerate of others even if others are over sensitive. That is what thoughtfulness teaches. Boorishness in others never makes it right for us to be boorish in return. It is in the home that this refinement is most beautiful and does most for making happiness. The love that is most divine does not behave itself unseemly. Good people may be awkward, may not understand the rules of etiquette, may unconsciously violate the dictates of fashion at table or in society, and yet not behave unseemly. What is required is the gentle spirit in the heart that would not give pain to anyone, though it may know nothing of the arbitrary rules of fashion. For one may never fail in the smallest things of society manners, and yet in heart may be most unrefined and unseemly.
The lesson runs on. “Love seeketh not its own.” This is the heart of the whole matter. Seeking its own is the poison of all life. Love never seeks its own – it always thinks of the other one. If this were the universal rule in our homes there would be no disputes, no strifes, no asserting of ourselves; each would serve the other. “Love is not provoked.” Getting provoked is the danger always in every place where lives meet and mingle. Many people are touchy and fly into anger at the slightest provocation. This is the bane of too much home life – it is hurt ofttimes by impatience and irritability. It is given to quick retorts. It resents suggestion and question. It does not restrain itself nor check its bitter feeling. It is given to hasty speech. The love that is not provoked gives only gentle replies, however rude and irritating the words spoken may be. Such loving, with its soft answers that turn away wrath, is a prime secret of home happiness.
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